People Pleasing

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I’m a People Pleasing, that is good, yes?: 

Introduction:

The term "People Pleasing" has been prevalent for decades, but there is a lesser-known umbrella term that encompasses this personality disorder—sociotropy. This blog post delves into the characteristics of people pleasers, the reasons behind this behaviour, and offers guidance on how to break free from its grip. Understanding the root causes and seeking professional support are essential steps toward reclaiming autonomy and living an authentic life.

Unmasking the People Pleaser:

People pleasers often find themselves sacrificing their own well-being for the sake of pleasing others. They tend to alter their behaviour with the intention of garnering approval and acceptance. Confrontation is something they avoid, often taking blame instead of engaging in rational conversation. Deep-seated fear of rejection, inner conflict, insecurity, and lack of confidence are common markers of this personality trait.

The Origins of People Pleasing:

People aren't born as people pleasers; rather, this behavior is developed as a coping mechanism in response to past events. Traumatic experiences, such as abuse, neglect, or abandonment during childhood, can lead individuals to adopt people-pleasing strategies as a means of escaping feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, fear, and guilt.

Low self-esteem is another contributing factor, as people pleasers often prioritize external validation over their own needs. This need for approval stems from a lack of self-confidence and a belief that fulfilling others' expectations will secure acceptance.

Understanding the Psychological Landscape:

People pleasing is not a standalone issue but rather a symptom or manifestation of underlying emotional struggles. Insecurity, which can emerge from peer groups or traumatic events, further fuels this behaviour. The fear of not meeting societal standards or falling short of expectations can lead to the adoption of people-pleasing tendencies.

The Influence of Family Dynamics:

Family dynamics play a significant role in shaping people-pleasing behaviours. For instance, in a performance-based family model, individuals may conform to avoid the embarrassment of failing to meet their family's expectations. Similarly, if parents or caregivers model people-pleasing behaviour to prevent conflict or domestic violence, it can imprint on children and persist into adulthood.

Overcoming People Pleasing:

If you resonate with the descriptions above, seeking professional help is crucial. Your general practitioner or a counsellor can provide guidance, recommend medication if necessary, or refer you to a specialist. While waiting lists for professional counselling services may be long, you can take proactive steps in the meantime.

Helpful Strategies for Breaking Free:

  • Discover and express your own desires: Plan ahead when interacting with others, ensuring you have alternate commitments or engagements. This allows you to confidently say "no" when asked for favours or help, asserting your own needs.
  • Embrace the power of "no": Remember that "no" is a complete sentence. Practice assertiveness by kindly but firmly declining requests. Retraining your thinking may take time, but setting boundaries and helping others understand and respect them is essential.
  • Foster healthy relationships: All relationships require balanced give and take. Establishing healthy boundaries ensures that your relationships are mutually respectful and nourishing. Gradually introduce and reinforce your boundaries, allowing others to adapt and appreciate them.
  • Discover your authentic self: Break free from the cycle of conformity and discover who you truly are. Differentiate between your own feelings and external demands. Explore new interests and activities that align with your true desires, setting boundaries that protect your authentic self.


Conclusion:

The curse of people pleasing can be challenging to overcome, but it's not insurmountable. Seeking professional support, understanding the root causes, and implementing healthy strategies are key to breaking free from this debilitating behaviour. By embracing your true self, setting boundaries, and nurturing authentic relationships, you can reclaim your autonomy and live a more fulfilling life. Remember, while the tips provided in this post can be helpful, it's crucial to seek support from an accredited professional counsellor, especially during times when emotional grounding and guidance are needed the most. By taking these steps, you can gradually break free from the curse of people pleasing and embark on a journey of self-discovery, self-worth, and genuine fulfilment.

thinkstudio4@outlook.com



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